U.C.W. Local 777 / United Church Workers

What if preachers formed a Union?  Hmmmm…..

Our Union Demands are as follows:

1.  We demand lightweight pulpit furniture.  Really. . . have you guys tried to move that stuff?

2.  We demand that one pew be filled with men who will “amen” at least 7 times during the course of every sermon.

3.  We demand that our congregants be as excited about worshiping God on Sunday as they are about the ball game on Saturday.

4.  We demand that all criticism be directed to someone besides us.  Anybody will do. . . just pick one.

5.  We demand that only one deacon fall asleep during preaching at a time.

6.  We demand that everyone everywhere understand that King James simply authorized an English translation of the Bible.  He didn’t write it.  Seriously, he didn’t.

7.  We demand that all the fat preacher jokes stop.  Well, okay a few of them are pretty funny.

8.  We demand that you please quit refering to our ministry as  “hard work” while you snicker under your breath.

9.  We demand that you quit setting your watch alarm to go off at 12:00 every Sunday.

10.  This isn’t really a demand, but could you please try to understand that we simply cannot conclude every church service like the Grand Ole’ Opry by singing “May the Circle Be Unbroken”.

If these demands aren’t met in a timely manor we will walk off the job.  Scabs will be heckled and verbally abused if they cross our pickett lines.

Published in: on February 24, 2009 at 1:02 pm  Comments (5)  


  1. What about short preacher jokes? Does a 2 year old screaming amen count? And I think I will set the alarm to 11:59, you know we have to beat everyone to dinner.

  2. I’ll take 2 year old “amens”. I’m not too proud. If we are going to beat the Church of Christ and the Methodist to dinner you will have to set your alarm for 11:30.

  3. How about adding: All time changes in the future will be the “Fall back” kind and will be totally unannounced as to make everyone get to church “on-time” at least twice a year.

    followed closely by:

    At the end of the year we make up for the two lost hours by springing ahead on new yeas eve “watchnight service” so that instead of staying up late, we can “ring in the new year” at 10 pm and be in bed no later than 10:30… or is that 12:30???

  4. […] What They’re Saying: Charles A. Bennett on There Ain’t No Niche Mar…Mike Rowell on About Wonderful Rural Church Blog. March 9, 2009, 6:46 pm Filed under: Just Good Stuff, Rural Church Planting | Tags: Just Good Stuff, Rural Church Planting Go check out Pastor Mike W.’s blog The Rural Route Church immediately.  He has a passion for the rural church and great sense of humor.  Make sure to check out both his uplifting post about a volunteer in the local abortion counseling clinic and his desire to form a union for Pastors. […]

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